Colors...

Colors....

they go every where... everything you do has colors to it...

when you speak, see, touch, feel...

they go every where.......

and, I love to acknowledge their presence at all times.

May be that's why I prefer calls over messages...

messages are polite, but impersonal.

Calls, on the other hand, let you guess what color the other person is...

when talking to you...

when some one is distant, they are white...

clear, but opaque at the same time...

if someone is holding their head high, despite problems, they are purple....

dignified, more like it.

Even if you know a person very well, you can't tag them with "a-particular" color...

I can't myself say what color I am, but every emotion of mine does have a color to it....

my journal never reads, "I was sad."

it's always, "I felt kinda violet today."

The journal is black, always. That's because it is so necessary to bring out all other colors that are there, and I for one, can't live without it!

My sister's innocent questions are a bright yellow, good, striking, but not always appealing.

like the other day she heard me talking on the phone, and asked,"are you in love?"

I was butchered!
Communication between dad and me?.. Brown.... its there, but that's it.

Accounting? has to be lavender....

I love it, but still trying to master it.

such is the beauty of colors...

they are your companions...

may be they won't always guide you, but they'll always be there for you to rely on..

when you need them the most...

colors.....

once I am eighteen..

It's going to be two long years before I actually turn eighteen..

(and, gonna be 18 till I die...)

but planning in advance always helps right?

There are somethings I have always wanted to do, but I know that there is a time for everything, rather, an "appropriate time" for everything...

I never had problems telling my mum what I want to do, and I never had a "no" for an answer,

it has always been, "Do that when you start earning"

So by the time I am eighteen, I guess I'd have already begun my articleship,implied I'd be earning by that time, thus it's safe to aspire now!

1) I am going to get a PAN card made and I am going to start investing in equity shares. (that's the most common thing I Google), I need field experience!!!! and money, dividends rather.

and when ever someone asks me my 'PAN number', I am going to reply,

"By asking my PAN number you ask my "Permanent Account Number Number", tell me, are you always so tautological?"

(gives me a wicked pleasure to say, all things sweet and sarcastic)

2) TATTOO!! oh goth!! I am a sucker for them, and I am getting one as soon as I have enough money and a great design....

the one in here is OK-OK

it's a permanent tattoo, so lots of thought over placement and design..

Phoenix- too common,

dragon- eeuugggh

mermaid- too girly

maybe I should try some Gothic or Wicca designs!

*Eureka*

The Wicca star!!!! Decided then...

3) CA- i want to become a CA- "Cigarette Addict"

So many people puff it out, so why not I take a crazy chance?

4) I want to celebrate my 18th birthday with a bottle of champagne, and become full on alcoholic, from that movement. I had settled for wine, but dad, suggested I go to champagne, he always says I need to aspire a lot...

Yeah, more importantly, I am going to start saving for the big trip to New Zealand I have planned with my besties!

"Bunjee-jumping is indeed my calling as I realised, at a very-very tender age."

P.S. I just re-read this, and I don't really know why I'm writing it now, my b'day is ages away,

but then,

"why not, take a crazy chance?"

my Scooty!!!!!

I can drive a Scooty... FINALLY!!
I mean, how long could they have kept me away from it??
I had to have it some time!! And now I am such an expert at it that I can give mini-maxims to people when asked for, but no one generally asks me,unless they want to put their insurance companies' at work, of course!!
anyways, here's what I have learnt while learning the scooty..
#Raising the accelerator and speeding up does not require brains...
but then, technically, there is no traffic rule that tells you to actually "use your brains" when you drive!!
#You should know that your scooter runs when you turn the accelerator, not when you press on it hard. (something any beginner is bound to do out of tension) That just results in acute numbness that does not go away easily. (you are listening to an expert in here)
#use the HORN!
#never expect lady drivers to be courteous to you, they actually think you are stealing their glory on the road and can become quiet a pain in the ass!!
#Do not under any circumstances, take your mum along with you, especially if even she can drive, or worse, its her scooter you are driving!
#Never lose confidence when on the scooter, the scooty may then take charge of the situation, and you never know...
enough for now...
I am starting to miss my scooty!!!
I need a round!!
And I am gone.....

friends...

My bunch of pals just left... after a day full of fun and silly jokes and baseless gossip!

The only "conclusion" that we can draw from this "meeting" is that...*we need to do it more often* We are a pack of five:

Anaya, Mrudula, Shilpa, Prachi and Sonal.
Me, Mrudul and Prachi are from one college and Shilpa and Sonal are into another college, but we are together because of our coaching classes, “Mensa Commerce Classes”
Each of the four holds a special place in my heart, and I will always thank the stuff above for not making my college friendships a cosmic joke as it was in school.
Back at school, I had very few friends who had “a compatible wave-length” (as my mum put it) mostly owing to the fact that I read a lot-lot more and had a bit off-track (then called “weird”) likes and dislikes.
They said I’d find perfect friends at college, where folks are supposed to be a bit more pickle-headed (mature as in). Oh! How I wished that happen, or more so, I wanted it to happen!
So, well I’d spend days thinking about the kind of friends I’d like to have and what kind of stuff we’d do together!
But, the stuff above had other plans, and my classes started way before my college did!
May sound cliche, but it had a silver lining, and that was…
That was when I met Shilpa!
My first friend of 11th standard!
However, within a few weeks of joining the class, I had to shift to the evening batch because of my I.T practicals. But despite the distance, our friendship survived, and the credit goes hugely to Shilpa, because she kept thinks alive by frequent calls and stuff like that!(credit, the giver of benefit; a golden accountancy rule, applies here a huge deal!)
Now that we are back together in 12th, we are still trying to make up for the lost time!
Shilpa is the most softhearted gal in the group, and can catch even a slight change in your behaviour like a seismograph catches a sight tremble in the earth’s surface! Also, she hates it when it’s her behaviour that upsets you! That’s what I call “possessiveness” for friends, because when you are possessive about a thing, you tend to care for it all the more!
There is one thing about her that I envy, her long-long nails! My nails never seem to grow that fast or when they get long enough to be filed, I suddenly develop an appetite for them!
Anyways, she never judges people easily and gives everyone too many chances to improve, making her friendly with all!
Then comes Mrudul!
Well, she is like my sister, my better-half ("sweeter"actually,when I generally end up angry she is always there with a lot of "its ok's" and "calm downs") and the one who’s the most compatible to me!
And then there is the fact that too many people at college have asked us the same question, “are you two sisters?”(owing to the fact that we actually "look alike")
Initially we’d say “no”, but then such questions bug me real bad. I mean, even if we were sisters, how the fuck does it affect other people?
So I’d say “yes” anyway, and I don’t think I was ever wrong in doing that!
Ow! I haven’t yet told you the best part haven’t I? It’s the fact that we are totally worlds apart when it comes to likes n dislikes!!
Seriously, she has no eye to catch the divinity of Ian Wright!! Everything about us is different, but still she can see through me real clear!

As for Sonal, I met her in the evening batch of Mensa. She is the best study mate you can ask for!!
Someone whom you can bank on for always being there, giving advice only when asked for, cracking witty jokes during lectures and stealing secret glances at right cues! She’s the gal you go to if you want latest n crazy songs on your mobile through blue-tooth. Seriously, if all the gods were to resign, Sonal would actually start worshipping “Lord Blue-tooth”
We love to discuss sums with her, because arguing with her is a a frustrating stress buster!
(You generally end up telling her to listen to you first, but when she stops talking, you are laughing so hard, you can barely speak!)
Prachi… Prachi…Prachi (here’s my cue to sigh)
This gal is a complete enigma to me! She is like an iceberg, what you see above the surface is real small as compared to the stuff inside!
If they’d let me rename some people based on qualities they posses, I’d call Prachi something like “grace” or “patience” or “calm” or “tranquil”. I have never once heard her raise her voice, not even once! She can shut up the most “stinky-headed loud mouth” with a patient ear and a soft voice!

Thanks to them, I can finally say, "To hell with the past, I have great pals to take care of"
People at classes are actually jealous of our friendship and twice there has been an attempt to break into the fortress called "sisterly bonding" by a frog (do you call a female frog-"ess"?)

here, *I 'm hinting to a gal with extra large eyes that go far from appealing* and a walrus (the frog's best friend) and at both the times, we got them easily dissected!
Friends, they say understand more than you speak, as in, something like “reading between the lines” but these idiots understand my silence!
I feel blessed to have found such beautiful friends....

Hail the goth lord and bless us all!

on looking back...

Now that I am finally settling in this house,
I realise I had so much stuff I never did, but regret not doing it now...
I really wish I had spent a lot more of time on evening walks with Aakansha and Divya, I always loved the times we were together, and that was like right from me and Divya were 3 yrs old,

Aakansha joined the gang a little later to complete a trio and become an inseparable part of it!
It's filthy lonely in this place, and I miss them like crazy!!
I wish I had more time with Olivia and her little sister Tanya, who starts school this year!!
I really wish I had been all the more polite with Vipul, but he'd always take my sarcasms positively.
I'd love to bump into Olivia or Vipul or both of them at the station like it happened all summer, but i know it won't because our classes have fantastically clashing timings!
I never had the time to say a proper good bye to Naik aunty, my teacher who put into me not only the love, but all the basics of mathematics as well.
I never really visited the new ice-cream parlor!
!!JUST ONE LAST LOOK AT MY SCHOOL!!
Some more time in the mango garden would also have helped, there is not one fucking garden in this forsaken place, just a huge dumping ground(maybe i should use it to dump the agent who told my folks about this stupid place)
I wish I had all the more appreciated the convenience that my home offered!! To get to the station from this place, I have to encounter a lot a traffic and unstopable stomach churns because of the smoke!
I wish I had spent more time with Aakansh and Divya (a huge sigh) solving sums, I loved that!
these are just wishes, rather regrets!!

the only lesson that I have learnt from this is;

"not all things happen like you always want them to be- 'perfect'

they can get hasty, unplanned rushed and get you totally clumsy.

the best way to deal with them is either to get over or get along,

but when you feel like doing something, do it immediatly, the part of not doing and later regretting is

a stupid thing to do, and yeah..

it hurts"
*P.S. I can finally drive a Scooter! hurray!!*
the scooty has a mind of her own,(still trying to find out how it works)
i'll tell you more about my sweet heart the next time!
My college friends are coming here tomorrow and I am damn excited!!

the dawn of something new!

I had my first stay in my new house yesterday! I spent the entire day putting the house (read:my room) together and doing errands!!
At the end of the day,I never realised how tired I was until i actually went to bed, but sleep was so so so far away!

For the first time in 16 blissful years of my exsistance, i was having a room to myself!

all the excitement and wonderment was just too much for my head to go on with! (the demand for a pensive is gets more and more inelastic day-by-day!!!)

finally the sleep that came at about 3 in the morning was completely out of exhaustion!

soon enough, at around six, the radio alarm went on (i should not have played with it, cause I set the alarm and completely forgot about it!).

but then, my bed faces the window, and the window faces the east...

(any guesses what happened?)...

um

well, i woke up and went right to the window and there it was...

the sky in full preparation to welcome the coming day!

I sat there, waiting for, no wanting it to happen, in its most beautiful form..

slowly, gracefully the sky began to smile, shades of orange, pink and red began to dominate the stage, the stage of a play meant just for welcoming me!

Flocks and flocks of birds began to fly away from their nests, signalling the start of the day..

let me tell you one thing, there was so much silence today that I could easily distinguish the call of one bird from the other!
identification, though was a problem!!

so back to the star ...

the dear sun.....

slowly the yellow-orange mass began to rise, to show itself in it's most graceful self!

finally, at it's rightful place, it stopped, and it reminded me of just one line..

"the lord said,"let there be light, and there it was" "

I really feel this is a special "something" because for someone who is never out of bed before 8 'o clock (and is never in bed before 4 in the morning)

waking up at one tinkle of the alarm at 6, after such exhaution, just can't be co-incidential!
all this comes up to one bottom line,

"it is the dawn of a something new,

a "good>>better>>best>>best est"

kind of something new,

and I guess, its just for YOU!!"

the three mistakes of my life

Halt,take a deep breath, and stop being stupid!!
If the title gives you silly ideas like this is some kinda confession from a drama-queen (a title my bestie thinks suits me)
its not.
It's Chetan Bhagat's latest book!!
The way Chatan Bhagat came up with this name also has a story to it!
His first two novels, though liked by readers, had a little negative critical acclaim, they said his books were a mistake, so he came up with this one titled, "the three mistakes of my life" as he said in an interview with "brunch magazine" (i m not responsible for the credibility of this story)

well, if you go ahead and read this book, I won't say its a mistake, the book is really a good read!
It has everything in it, politics, religion, cricket,a natural calamity, love,business,and of course it revolves around youth!
Three guys from Gujarat decide to start a business (that's one state where you actually get respected a lot more if you are into a business)
so its about this cricket accessories shop they start, and the happy and bad times they face, the impact religious and political happenings have on them...and, well ,read it yourself, its that good!
The best part that I liked from the book was a statement that meant something like this,
"god gives talent to the poor so that they get rich!"
which simply means that you can get rich, if
a) you think you are poor (or broke) ceteris paribus you got talent
b)you got talent, ceteris paribus you know how and where you want to use it
Suits someone like me, who comes up with freaky ideas to make money, though i can't think of places to spend it (we are not talking miser here!)
All in all, a good book to go with, but don't expect it to actually be changing your life!
especially if you read Rhonda Bryon, Cecelia Ahern and the likes, you may find him a bore,
but his writing skills are great!!
Bang on, precise, crisp (I still dont figure out how do you call a writing "crisp", this input is from my friend!), but I can sum it up like this, "no-nonsense"
and i love it!
if you got around 100 bucks, and need somthing quid pro quo, go for this one,
A two thumbs up from me!

shifting homes... not really excited..

Well, the title should give a fair idea what this is all about!

I am moving into a new house, and I am so so not excited about it!!

Actually, every time I have told this to someone who may change circumstances (read:mum) all I am being told is that my apprehension is baseless...

I am sick of acting outrageously surprised about it because I am "frustrated" about it!!

Is it remotely fair? You tell me?

One morning they wake me up with an extra sweet and potentially-diabetic "good-morning", then I get tea in my favourite mug, without asking for it (or usually my mornings

begin with a long lecture on acidity)

Then just as I am about to pinch myself to check that this is not a dream, you just look at me and say,

"How would you like to move into a new place?"

i feel (maybe not in the same order, though)

surprised

aghast

betrayed

not interested

angry

rebellious

frustrated

will I have my own room? (finally?!)

may I just go back to sleep?

So...

THAT is how I feel about the whole-moving homes thingy!

But they say every cloud has a silver lining

Umm let me actually start with identifying the forsaken cloud!!

The new house is well.. ummm NEW,

its not my old house, that's not the place all good things have happened to me!!

its just not it!

We are just shifting from Kalyan east to west nothing else! (does that remotely rhyme?)

We have absolutely no neighbours (is it a blessing in disguise?)

Its just too far away from the station

I'd be spending most of my pocket money on the rickshaws, omg!! the area is so so new that there are not enough rickshaws in there!!

there is no Internet in there!!

not even a land line!!!!

no cable connection! (am i shifting into a survival camps or the likes?)

everything about the house is complicated, including those stupid taps, and those idiotic bulbs!!

eeugghh!

but the silver lining is...

I finally have my own room, which is going to be done in pistachio color, my cupboard is going to have russet doors!

The best est part, my room has french windows!

even better, all the rooms have french windows!!

Well, and there is more to it, our new dining table has red chairs, and they brighten up the dull dining area, the pull out sofa set is in another cool shade!

and then mum has agreed to put up good portraits all over the passage that the house..

well ahem...

correction "my" new house has!

so acceptance seeps in, though gradually!

hopefully it prevails and stabilises......

Acquaintances

"Acquaintance" a mess to have one!!

this is the one thin line (or a heavy word) that separates friends & strangers!

these are the people who you wish you could ignore, but can't do that, because your doing that may upset them, and unlike friends, you can't expect them to understand, and unlike strangers, you can't have an I-care-a-fart attitude towards them!!

Such people are really difficult to handle, especially if you are a no-nonsense kind of girl like I am!

If I can't stand person,I really can't stand them, and if I find a person OK, well then, it's just OK!

But acquaintances!!

ow!!

Best est examples are people like your mum n dad's colleagues, or worse..

their kids!

an ache to be with..

Every time i come face to face with them, all i remember is my mum telling me how prodigal these kids are and what an embarrassment I am!!
yeah, i get clumsy at times, but my "manners" are never far from me!!
another example is that of heavily-interfering "neighbours"

like, well, this uncle(why cant we just call them by their surname? like Mr.*whteva"), I met yesterday,

he looks at me and says, "Anaya going to college does not imply you need to become a beauty pageant contestant, trying to go slim, it should be like there should be pits as you walk, and people should say things like 'Anaya walked this road'!! eat something, you need to be healthy "

I just said a "yes" and walked off, but what I really wanted to say was, "like you care! duh!"

A simple explanation to this attitude of mine is that I my stomach was screaming with hunger as I had just returned from classes and despite that, my mommy dearest sent me to a *very important* errand of hers!!

and then, its my weight I am losing, not yours!!

And there are so many better ways of making people talk about you, and making pits on the road is not exactly my claim to fame,

and in case if you haven't noticed, Indian roads have enough pits in them...

well, of the so many things I want out of my life, this category tops the list!
so congrats!

please be sure to collect your price money of a final wave and get out!

in fact...

on reconsideration...

GET A LIFE!!

"p.s. i love you"

Well,
I can't over this novel (i say this after every good novel I read, but this time, I mean it!)
It is titled "P.S. I LOVE YOU" by Cecelia Ahern, and is a very sweet, non-frivolous novel to be going through!!
Frankly speaking, I am much more inclined to reading Enid Blyton, J.K Rowling, Sidney Sheldon, Jeffery Archer, Khalid Hosseni and the likes, and I have mastered the art of running away from the (in)famous -*just in my case* M&B series..
But this book changed my perspective, and romantic always means all-things-sweet-pretty-mushy-cozy seems so so passe!!


Before you go ahead and find out about the book, do stop by for a movement and ponder over this question..
"What do you do when you know you are going to die, leaving behind your love in a mess?..."
This book as about two childhood sweet hearts, Holly and Gerry, who have everything perfect!
A happiness about having found a soul mate at such an early age, a sweet pleasure of growing up with your loved one, getting married at the right time and knowing that it is the best damn thing that you wished would happen to you, and a sense of superiority in knowing the fact it IS the best thing that HAS happened!
but then, things take a turn for the worse..
Gerry realises, at a very late stage, that he has brain tumor, and despite all efforts, he succumbs to death, leaving a devastated, destroyed Holly behind.
Slowly however, Holly begins to realise that she has to move on, though not move over Gerry.
she is much helped by her warm,comforting family, a great pack of friends and most importantly, by Gerry, through his letters...
letters that he has written to her for during his last times, letters that tell her how important it is to keep on living, letters that above all, thank her for the unconditional love she had for him.
each letter is well thought over, and comes in at the right time..
helping Holly through thick and thin.
Slowly, Holly takes the long road to recovery.. when finally at the end of the series of those 10 letters, Gerry tells her to move on..
find new love!
the fact that a dying husband, so much in love with his wife; tells her to move on in his most final movements left me speechless!
ow !!
i was so so moved.
really,
and as Holly rightly discovered,

"Sometimes, it's about living life, one letter at a time".....

well...

is is not strange?
how some people come in your life,
and quickly go,
some stay awhile,
and leave footprints on our heart,
and we are, never the same.....

philosophical as I may sound, I seriously feel the thought is very true.
every day we all move on, go to new places (well, maybe not everyday) but we do meet new people, or rather, a "newer" side of the same people we know,
almost everyday!
everyone who we meet may not really matter to us, like some correspnodences we keep just because we really really though unwantingly have to!
but then, there are the others, who's one smile, or just one simple gesture of a wave, reminds us of sunshine on a dark and desperate day....!!
i juz wanna say thank you to all such people who's exsistance on this earth is pricelessly precious!!

inside, as i ponder..

On the out side i am just your average teen, who feels that dressing up good is a stress buster, Tea is a bare necessity, studies should not be ignored and homework (however lame) should always be there.
"But does this calm n simplicity percolate inside?"
how i wish it had been that way, but it is not.
there is so much that goes on in my head, that I'd readily steal Prof.Dumbledore's pensive,just to relieve myself of certain unwanted thoughts!
but then, the old paradox stands true, "we desire all we don't have, all we have is not exactly what we desire!"
I wonder why people say I don't have a normal perspective towards things;
is trying to find good out of every situation bad?
is giving a composed reaction to pretty huge things, only after you get the hold of their intensity wrong?
is side tracking stuff cause its apparently lame, gross behaviour?
is feeling bad for someone else's problems really that important, despite the fact that the person does not really matter that much to u?
is having the attitude of "me first" at the right place and at the right time worng?
I PONDER...
But there are still people who think they know me, my friends sure do, but all i have to say to them, is "thank you"for being just a call away, and "sorry" because i m making you live in huge misconceptions, only cause they make my time with you good..
I am still called different by people who don't know me, and people who "think" they know me, think I am a paradox.
A paradox because I maybe outspoken about my opinions in class, but feelings I always suppress,
i may appear to just listen, but i do analise,
I may say I don't care,
but when a Friend is in a problem,
I am always there.
I may be hurt, but I will never let anyone know.
words that are flowing unceased in here, freeze in the crowd, and, I am always lost...
looking for my own lost glow...